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The Zoo 2: Tuesday
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The Zoo 2 - Tuesday (Disk 2 of 2).adf
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AMERFOOT.ZOO
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1993-06-07
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*!EOM
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3229Y00F05basic32Y00C0Y00C1Y00J1NAmerican Football
2316Y00F07garmann23NFishboy/Panda
0825Y00F11microknight08Y00J0N
0801NRobin Williams once said that cricket was baseball on vallium. Going by these
0801Ncriteria then American Football must be a pissed game of rugby trying to get
0801Nan erection. The average live game of American football lasts for about 32
0801Nhours of which about 18 minutes is actually playing. The first hour is taken
0801Nup by each team running onto the pitch as per any normal sport, with the
0801Nexception of course that in American football squads consist of about 2000
0801Nmembers. This causes major problems since the average American football
0801Nplayer can only count to 7, this is remedied however by the fact that the
0801Naverage American can only count to 3. In fact special "Super-human" coaches
0801Nhave to be genetically engineered, these coaches can count as far as 38
0801Nbefore lapsing into a coma.
0801N
0801NAmerican football is an indication of just how sad the Americans are. It
0801Nwould not surprise me one bit if the NFL added a rule that stated all players
0801Nmust have a picnic and hug each other in an act of 'bonding' without any
0801N'threat' to their sexuality half way through the match. American football is
0801Na "Breathtaking action packed sport". So breathtaking in fact that play stops
0801Nevery five seconds so that the players can inspect the size of the
0801Nquarterbacks shotgun (or something...).
0801N
0801NNever let it be said that my criticisms are not constructive. If horse racing
0801Nis the sport of kings and (real) football is the sport of nations then
0801NAmerican football is the sport of fat, hot-dog stuffed morons drinking diet
0801Ncoke and saying things like, "Well just look at that play Mike, who'd expect
0801Na triple X super blitz ultra teasmaid over head pass in that situation?".
0801NAmerican football is the great festering turd on the sidewalk of professional
0801Nsport, it lies near the leaking fire hydrant of baseball and the fake comedy
0801Nbreasts of professional wrestling. And there it should remain forever to go
0801Ndry and crusty in the sun. I have nothing more to say about it.
*!EOF